PLAY LIST: LARA
CROFT TOMB RAIDER
Copyright 2001 www.tombraiderchronicles.com
[ November 30th 2001 ]
games rest on the outcome of a predictable formula
- its the getting there that counts. Blockbusters
rest on a similar premise. In this case the thing
is the formula may look the same, but its really
different - computer games are interactive, movies
you have ever sat and watched someone playing
a computer game and felt like putting your head
in the nearest blender, then you will understand
why this movie is a complete screw-up.
involves the search for a mystical artifact called
Achilles Shield which, as all such artifacts usually
do, has become lost somewhere in space and time.
If this wasn't bad enough, there's a secret society
waiting to get in the way. In fact, using the
word plot at all for this movie, is a bit like
trying to polish excrement.
all comes abundantly clear about half way through
when it simply fizzles out and dies and you begin
wondering why the movie is actually still going.
Simply put, it takes another hour or so for Lara
the genius to work out that, as she already has
half the artifact, all she really has to do is
destroy the thing.
this is the sort of thing that works in computer
games. You get to the end and realise you were
too stupid to work it all out in the first place
and feel like an idiot because the eight-year-old
next door worked it out two weeks ago. If the
intention of the script writers was just that,
then it backfired upon them tenfold.
the old saying that too many cooks spoil the broth
is probably true for Tomb Raider. With five writers
on board, the story ends up closely resembling
a 5-year-old fingerpainting and a team of trained
monkeys on acid could have done a much better
it comes to characterisation, it's obvious that
Jolie is the perfect choice for the role. And
despite her obvious physicality, she does manage
to bring a certain amount of attitude and cool
to the part but far from enough to raise it above
the level of teenage titillation.
although there are some great action scenes, such
as Lara bungee jumping of walls while fighting
a bunch of villains, the on-screen delivery is
ham fisted and clumsy. A John Woo would have made
mincemeat out of this script, while a Simon West,
(The Generals Daughter, Con Air) simply rolls
over and settles for directorial mediocrity. So
much so you have to fear for this man's career.
hotch potch, so derivative of other, better movies
(Raiders of the Lost Ark, Batman) all in all,
its idiocy is as exposed as Jolie's assets bouncing
around the screen. And if that's what you want
then you might as well save your money and buy
a copy of Playboy instead.