STINKER AWARDS FOR PEARL AND LARA
Copyright 2002 www.guardianunlimited.co.uk

[ March 23rd 2002 ]

Pearl Harbor and Lord of the Rings have won motion picture awards! As the red carpet for Sunday's Oscars ceremony was being metaphorically rolled out, two sets of Hollywood's least-coveted awards were announced yesterday.

The Los Angeles-based Hastings Bad Cinema Society said that Tom Green had taken many of the Stinkers Awards. He won worst film prize for Freddy Got Fingered, as well as worst actor, worst sense of direction and most painfully unfunny comedy for a film that had won universal thumbs-downs from critics across the world and even possibly beyond. Mariah Carey took worst actress for her part in Glitter.

Pearl Harbor, which still harbours minor ambitions on Oscar night, won the Stinker for worst screenplay for a film grossing more than $100m (about 70m) worldwide. Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles took worst sequel, while Nicolas Cage won the prestigious most annoying fake accent for his role in Captain Corelli's Mandolin. David Spade took the worst on screen hair style stinker.

The founders of the society, Michael Lancaster and Ray Wright, said that a special trophy has been designed in Tom Green's honour. "It's a beautiful miniature plastic toilet with 35mm film unspooling all around it that makes a flushing sound when you press the handle," said Lancaster.

In another set of awards, Lord of The Rings took AlterNet's 2001 Keanu Awards for the most homoerotic movie. Pearl Harbor won the most transparent revision of history award, always a tight category. Readers of the internet alternative news site also awarded the best sex scene prize to Mulholland Drive and the film that should have skipped theatres and gone straight to video prize to Lara Croft: Tomb Raider starring Oscar winner Angelina Jolie and Jon Voight.

Crocodile Dundee was among the winners again with the award for the film that should have skipped video and gone straight to inflight movie.

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